What it is like to love yourself when you experience bipolar disorder
The moment a psychiatrist told me I was experiencing symptoms of bipolar disorder I felt like my life had ended.
I didn’t see myself living past age 23, in fact I didn’t want to live past age 23. I was diagnosed at age 22 and by 23 I felt defeated. I had only been taking psychiatric medication since March and in September on my 23rd birthday life didn’t seem very exciting and I was still experiencing what my psychiatrist was calling mixed episodes.
Medication was making me gain weight, breakout, make me sick, and on a rare occasion take me to the emergency room.
At age 31 I am still alive and I confess more often than not I find myself leading life with a perspective that I am diagnosed as bipolar thus I have some things that will not come easily to me/will happen to me.
I blame it on bipolar disorder
I got bad sleep last night *its because i have bipolar*
I want to hide in my bedroom and not be social *its because i have bipolar*
I am overeating *its because i have bipolar*
I am feeling emotionally unstable *its because I have bipolar*
I am nervous and on edge *its because I have bipolar*
I am not able to go to work *its because I have bipolar*
I can’t drive because of my medications *its because I have bipolar*
When I find myself blaming emotional and hard situations that I can’t handle on my diagnosis I ultimately set myself up for the ability to see things that I need to love myself for.
Things like being able to get up despite having a hard night sleep. Things like being able to recognize that I need to go into my room to feel centered and present before I conquer the day. Things like seeing that I am feeling emotionally unstable and coming up with an activity that I can participate in that will make me feel better.
Often I forget that identifying what is feeling off, even if I am connecting it to my bipolar diagnosis can be good. When I identify what is feeling off I can see the steps that I need to take to feel more in control of my life and day.
Quotes often make loving yourself feel either unattainable or too complicated
For me quotes like this feels too much when I am feeling overwhelmed or when I need to love myself the most.
For example if I am experiencing a manic/depressive episode or having a bad day with anxiety/stress things like accepting myself, loving myself, and the idea of moving forward feels impossible.
How can you accept yourself when you are not liking the feeling of being stressed or experiencing a episode that has been causing darkness or changing your life in ways that do not seem fair.
Loving yourself when you experience bipolar disorder can be defined as the act of going from moment to moment no matter what emotions come up.
Love is made up of small moments that build up to something whether it be going to the bathroom, getting into bed, taking time to break as you go up a flight of stairs, asking for help, and even the time that you take to feel uncomfortable emotions.
Experiencing bipolar is not an easy feat and loving oneself on a daily basis is hard to identify but it happens in a way that is often secretive and subtle to one's benefit.
